My one and only big brother is married and all I wish for him in the world is to be happy. But a small part of me is sad, sad that things are changing, that we are growing up and things will never be the same as they were.  

accomplishments of 2018:
- matured as a project architect in my firm 
- completed two tender construction packages
- running site meetings on my own
- >10% salary increase not incl. two bonuses in first year of new job
- finished third marathon and cut off 10mins, pr on half marathon time
- did something for myself I have always wanted to do (motorbike)
- practiced and upskilled digital art
- completed a multipitch & smallest campus board
- invested in stocks

to be improved/2019 goals:
- didn't save enough, spent a large proportion of savings (motorbike + holidays) 
- climbing only maintained not bettered, completely let myself go end of year
- language, geography, architectural self study not done
- mortgage pending housing market
- architecture registration
- better my swimming 
- hand sketches, drawing a day
- side hustle

accomplishments of 2017

- officially graduated with masters degree
- smashed my half marathon pr
- matured as a graduate architect in my firm
- increased the number of people I love by one
- worked a year officially full time post uni
- been approached by two recruiters
- done a 21km run five weeks in a row
- finished my second marathon and smashed my pr
- survived the job hunt process and found a job on my own
- new job with more responsibility/money at a well known respected firm
- saved 60-70% of income

but as a result,
- climbing and fitness suffered

Though ultimately 2017 was a good fcking year, if not the best cause of the love of a certain boy.

Life seems so fragile. I still don't know what lies beyond but I hope it's somewhere in peace together with jiji gege. I'm sorry I didn't get to see you sooner.

Adulthood feels like a precarious game of balancing things on a finite point. The more you level up, the more ideas to implement and the more responsibilities that come. Time being your limiting factor and essentials like sleep which can't be forgone only reduced at a value cost trade off. Because at this point in life, I have the most control to dictate and shape the direction of where this mediocre but great life I have been given goes. More control than ever previously in these twenty three years, because now I have the mental capacity, the financial stability and the independence. And whilst I still remain unsure on that direction, the main thing is to have the conviction to try, to believe, to work hard and hustle because to become complacent in any aspect of life is to give up.

Thus to have some more accountability, some short term (but most likely long term) goals:
- side hustle of some sort (etsy, threadless, writing, graphic design)
- mortgage for investment property
- side arch related projects (kitchenette joinery design)
- registered architect (arch logbook, exam & panel interview)
- marathon numero two
- be a better daughter, sister, friend, partner

My heart is so full.