one. I had two best friends in primary school and the three of us were inseparable and I cared for them very much but when high school came around, we went to three completely different schools and now no longer keep in contact. 
two. Me and my brother used to play Age of Empires with a set of lego blocks. The landscape used to take up an entire room as we harvested wood, ore, gold and built armies. Yes, we ignored the actual computer version and played with lego instead. Good times, I’m smiling just recalling it.
three. I used to have recurring nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night and relocate to my parent’s bed. One vivid one was my family becoming brain dead vegetables and a crazy mad scientist chasing me around the table to do the same to me.
four. I made a bet with my friend in year seven that I wouldn’t pierce my ears in high school for five dollars (that was a lot of money back then). I held out until the last term of school but relented as I wanted earrings for year twelve formal. I never did end up paying her and I still have the slip of paper we both solemnly signed in our bubble signatures.
five. Since I was in primary school up to making the final decisions for what university courses, I had my eyes set on being a veterinarian and architecture was just a random second choice. I was devastated at first that I didn’t make the cut but I feel now like it was the right choice. 
six. I used to have this ragged teddy bear called Browny that I took with me everywhere. But during a tour bus trip around Europe, I left him in one of the hotels. I cried a lot the day after and begged to go back.
seven. According to my brother, Linkin Park’s One Step Closer used to be one of my favourite songs and when it came on mtv I used to scream the “shut up when I’m talking to you” part of it.

I like being independent
Not so much of an investment
No one to tell me what to do
I like being by myself
Don’t gotta entertain anybody else
No one to answer to

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I don’t really like big crowds
I tend to shut people out
I like my space, yeah
But I’d love to have a soul mate
God will give him to me someday
& I know it’ll be worth the wait

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
Someone to give me their jacket when its cold
Got that young love even when we’re old
Yeah sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand
Pick me up, pull me close, be my man
I will love you till the end

So if you’re out there I swear to be good to you
But I’m done lookin’, for my future someone
Cause when the time is right
You’ll be here, but for now
Dear no one, this is your love song

I tried hard not to cry, I promise I did. But when the tremble of my hand and quiver of my lip betrayed me away, I knew I wouldn't be able to stop.

I feel like we're spiralling out of control, and there's not a single thing I can do about it. I'm sleep deprived, distracted and anxious. But most of all, I'm scared. Scared of what comes next. When... how did we reach this stage? Please god, keep us strong and keep us together.

A little shop front open to the street, with a hidden cosy outdoor dining area to the back. Here and there are scraps of wooden table tops accompanied by antique benches, rusting with an auburn coat; only looking more beautiful with the added years. Sprigs of mint and fresh flowers in baby glass jars decorate the otherwise empty tables. And in the background below the murmur of easy conversation, a soft melody floats, barely intervening but filling in the white noise of the nearby street. The freshly battered fish and chips arrives and momentarily conversation pauses as cutlery are raised. But in the sunny warmth of a winters day, talk easily picks up, reminiscing and joking about drunken nights. In these spontaneous outings, the easy relaxing companionships are enjoyed.

Where have these past seven months gone? How can time seemingly disappear in a dramatic flourish yet seem so painstakingly slow at the same time? Another half year past, and I am suddenly struck by the inexplicable inspiration to write them down and refresh the memories which will fade without ties to hold them here.

Without a doubt, I have to start with my experience at Gloria’s. The feeling of a first job, your first pay check and cliché or not, the feeling of earning money by yourself, for yourself, was one I won’t forget. Regardless of the low pay, I am thankful for the opportunity to work there when seemingly everyone else judged me for my lack of experience, my past high school age, and whatever other particularities. It was a damaging blow to my self esteem, and even to this day I remember the lows of this period clearly. Now however, I clearly see that I’ve gained all the experience I can in this industry and can no longer keep lying to myself for the sake of comfort, and familiarity. It is high past due time that I moved on to something better, and a more valuable use of my time if not a higher dollar value at the very least.

Of course, with the inlet of money, came a wider array of possibilities, otherwise forsaken. The new job led to funding for my gym and embarking on a road to fitness. The biggest achievement this year being finishing the half marathon. Doubts, insecurities and worries filled me to the core beforehand but I am proud that I took a leap of faith and signed up and in the process stuck by my word and finished it. After a painful hundred and thirty two minutes, the feeling of passing that finish line to the claps and cheers of unknowns is still too enormous to express. And for those who have similar fitness goals, I say go for it, because regardless of where you currently stand, when you sign up, it pushes you and gives you the motivation to continue. Nowadays, I feel somewhat lacking in motivation, but I know the road to fitness is a long and strenuous one and whether I sometimes I get lost and go backwards, I’ll still continue inching forward regardless and probably will for the rest of my life because it’s a priority for me.

Two weeks in particular rise to my mind now, and they were probably the best two weeks of this year to date. My summer course in Tasmania. I initially thought, I’d be homesick in those two weeks away from home for the first time but the complete opposite occurred. Instead I tasted a sense of freedom, and for the most half, it felt like a holiday. To give credit where it is due, I can lay praise at the feet of two people directly. I felt at ease living with them, and happy for their presence. They made my experience at Tasmania fun. From the late night movies crowded in a single bed, to the early morning breakfasts and packed lunches, and the drunken nights and coffee pit stops, I had a great time. Not to say, I didn’t love connecting with the others too, nor that the design workload wasn’t difficult. Just in such good company, the hard things became simple and fun. And even now, one year and seven months down the track, despite sometimes feeling not as close knit as we used to be. I still consider you guys as my best friends.

First semester of second year university definitely felt a lot lighter than the whirlpool of assignments, and horrendous workload which defined first year. I didn’t achieve anywhere close to a suitable mark which I can be satisfied with, and hence I know I have to put in a lot more effort and work at it. But, I am glad for passing that one subject which I dreaded for so long. The feeling, similar to finishing the marathon, made me grin from ear to ear upon opening that email of final results.

My character as a person too I feel like has grown or developed. In social settings, I make a conscious effort to be more outgoing and easygoing, though I’m not quite sure if there’s any visible change. In the same mindset, I’ve tried to be more active in organising meet ups and initiating activities. If I wish to become closer to people, there’s no two ways about it, it’s a give take relationship and I will have to expend the energy to reach out and do so and even to maintain that friendship. But more often than not, these friendships are well worth my time, and I end up gaining more than I give. To those three, that know me best, I am forever glad for your company and friendship, and that you’re always there to listen whether it be rants, tears or happiness and only hope that I can be of similar comfort to you.

Lastly but not least, come in a full circle of these seven months, I’ve finally starting driving. Not much to say, but that I’m enjoying it and god knows why not, I didn’t start sooner.

I guess, after finally sifting through my thoughts and memories, these past seven months didn’t actually disappear, they just got filed away into a dusty cabinet of my mind for me to later dust off, and smile whilst reading them.

From the swirling pool of ideas churning in your mind to the bright white of an empty canvas. To take purely conceptual ideas and create functional spaces is the dilemma  Scrapped pages of black inked plans testifying to multitudes of alternates, sometimes differentiated by minute details, sometimes by a complete three sixty. The need to move forward yet the whisper of a better design holding you back.

Excitement. Anticipation. Trepidation for the coming two weeks.  In an unknown land, what awaits the curious explorer? Blessed weather for a smooth sail or destined treacherous journey, one might never know. But sitting here, high among the clouds with two of my best friends, the worries seem a world away.